Skip to main content

Starting Over

Life is interesting. You never know what to expect. The past few days, I have struggled to write. I have struggled to figure out what to say. I've felt lost. Frankly, I've fallen back into the depths of darkness. The place I have been unable to bring myself out of. I know it will get easier over time. I just need to let go. I need to move forward and leave the past behind me. I need to leave everything that has hurt me and brought me pain behind. That's the only way to learn. And the only way to get over this.

Right now, I don't understand why things happen the way they do. But one day, I might understand. I hope I will. It's hard to figure out where to go from here. It's hard to imagine the future sometimes. But I've managed so far. I'm starting to make some changes. It's all about me right now. It's about what I need for myself. As hard as it was to let go, I needed to do it for me. I couldn't move on while holding onto something that was already gone.

Everything I do from here on out is to change myself for the better. It's to grow. It's to find myself and figure out who I am. Without letting anything or anyone drag me down. I won't allow it anymore. It's time for me to be the real authentic me. And not give a shit what people think.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Here To Stay

Tenía 6 meses cuando mis padres trajeron a mí y a mis hermanos a los Estados Unidos. Querían una vida mejor para nosotros. Esperaban que tuviéramos más de lo que ya teníamos en México. Eso es lo que esperaban. I'm sorry, this is America. In America, we speak English. I was brought to the United States as a 6 month old baby with my siblings. My parents, hoping for a better future and more opportunities, uprooted our family here. That's what they hoped. I've been here for about 26 years of my life. 1 and a half of those years were spent in Mexico. One year was spent back in Mexico when I was 4 years old. I still had a visa then so we were able to go back. I was about 5 when I came back with a visa. Still a child and still naive to what our situation would later become. At 27 years old, I am an undocumented immigrant, or illegal alien as some would say. 22 of those years were lived with the uncertainty of what the next day would bring living here undocumented. I could ...

Taking a Break

Around the middle of January, I decided to give something up; social media. It wasn't a difficult decision. After years and years of it consuming a huge part of my life and my constant need to have my phone on me at all times made it clear. I needed to stop. Part of it was because I just felt like it was taking over my life. Another reason was that I just relied on it so much to provide some sort of comfort in knowing what people were always up to. Facebook was always my least favorite and initially was meant to update and connect with family in Mexico and close friends. Well, it turned into more than that and it became a negative source for me over time. I had already deleted my original account and created a new account with only a few select family and friends, but I hastily decided that I needed to rid of it altogether. Next was Instagram. I loved Instagram because it allowed me to share the pictures I took, which I absolutely love to do. But with all the new updates over the...

Positivity

Do you ever wish you could reach out to someone to tell them some good news, but this person is no longer in your life and you have no way of communicating because you deleted all forms of communication long ago? Because at the time, you were so angry and hurt. I'm sure we all go through this at one point or another.                                         *** It's been a little over 9 months. And in the past couple of weeks, the year is slowly shaping out to be a good year. I was able to go on vacation for a week and a half and it was one of my favorite vacations I've been on. The first few days were completely liberating since I went off to Texas completely alone. I met some great people there, saw some amazing sights, and never truly felt alone during my time in both San Antonio and Austin. Then I went off to Orlando with my best friend to celebrate our 13 years of friendship. ...