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Overcoming Fear

The saying is true: "Good things come to those who wait." I used to think it was just a saying people went by without really believing in it. It was one of those things that I said to myself, and wanted to believe, but couldn't. I spent most of my childhood being afraid of opening up to people. Some people call it shyness. Doctors will call it social anxiety. I will simply call it letting fear get the best of me. This is not to dismiss my anxiety disorder or any type of disorder. But I don't want that to be how I define myself. I've spent most of my life wondering why I was different. Why I couldn't be as outgoing like all the other kids. Or why I couldn't make friends as easily. But I never stopped and wondered why I thought it was a bad thing.

I guess it comes with the stigma that if something is wrong with you, then you're not normal. Whatever normal even means. I can't remember the moment I thought to myself, "I'm not crazy, I'm just different and that's okay." But it was definitely not something I heard often.

I remember how people would always ask me why I was so shy and I never knew how to respond. What do you say to that? Obviously, it's not easy for me to talk and that's why I'm shy. But I didn't know that there was something more to it. I was afraid. I was afraid of being rejected. Possibly of being hurt. I don't know where the fear stems from exactly. I just know that somewhere along the line, I became afraid of people. I didn't know how to function when I met someone new. I couldn't hold a conversation. I would often just try to hide and wish I was invisible. It's not that I didn't want people to approach me. It's that I was afraid of being judged. Of being ridiculed because I was so different. It was this fear that made me pray at night and wish I was different. I would wish I could just be like everyone else.

Years have passed since this moment and as I look back, I still don't know what made me so afraid. I can talk more openly to people even though I am still reserved at first. I can meet someone new and not be afraid to ask more questions. I feel that I am more free to be myself. I have to thank the people I am surrounded by. The ones who pushed me to try new things. To go out of my way. To stop being afraid. To just not give a care what people think about me.

If we go back to my starting quote, "good things come to those who wait," it has become meaningful in many ways. Yes, I waited several years, but I also acted. I took the initiative to step out of my comfort zone. It may have taken several baby steps. It may taken several nudges and convincing myself that I can. But I did it. I may not be where I want to be, but I am close. With time, I have learned to be patient and to believe that things are possible as long as you're willing to take the first step. As long as you're willing to step inside the door that opens for you. Because you never know what will happen. You never know who will step into your life and make you realize that being different isn't bad. It's just a part of who you are and there's nothing wrong with that.

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