*The Adult Life

There are so many things that I want to say and write about. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts and ideas. Most of the time, I find myself imagining what my life would be like in a few months or years from now. I feel like things have not gone the way I would like them to so far. I had a rocky start at the beginning of the year and I've been dealing with all types of pressure, but I'm slowly getting through it all. Right now, my main goal is to find a job. I've been dealing with a  lot of regrets lately because I've had such a hard time finding jobs. I've applied to a few and so far, nothing. They all ask for some type of experience which I have very little of. I was actually getting pretty upset last month because I was frustrated. It's hard. I just got out of college and I feel like I didn't get the most out of it. I regret not looking for internships or job opportunities. I think for the most part I was in denial about leaving school and just growing up in general. I'm an adult now and I think sometimes, that scares me. No one ever really prepares you to be an adult. One day, you're a teen and the next, you have to put yourself out there and it's terrifying. I pictured being an adult so differently when I was a kid and even just a few years ago. I used to think everything would just fall into place and things would be great. Then reality struck. I've become so used to depending on others that it's hard for me to start becoming independent. But I have to grow up and act like an adult. That doesn't mean I will stop watching Disney movies or playing video games. There's always a part of me that will feel like a child and I think that's how everyone should feel. I realize that I can still act silly as long as I don't act stupid. So here's to hoping that I will find a job soon, whatever it may be and start doing things on my own and exploring the world more. There's so much to see and do and I'm tired of not taking advantage of things just because I'm afraid. Fear is my worst enemy and it's time for me to take control instead of letting everything control me.

*This post was written right before I got hired at my job. Publishing this a year and a half after.